It's been a while.

I should be sleeping right now. I was reading, and I'm on my way to bed. Just felt like stopping by here first. I've got some "late night loneliness" hanging over my shoulders at the moment. It's x-mas now. ( Yes in my mind it is. Deal with it. ) I'm missing some people and moments I wish I still had. In a way. At least most of the preparations for the holiday is done. Just some last min baking and decorations to put up. 

I feel troubled. It has nothing to do with x-mas tho, but I have no idea who to talk to about it. I can only talk it over with my self. And the best solution I can come up with is to ignore, forget and move on. That's really not easy. As usual I'm not making it easy for my self. Guess I'm still in the mindset that I deserve misery and hard times. Hard to move beyond that. But I'm making a brilliant effort I must say. I think I do anyway.

Tomorrow I'm going to be happier again. The bigger part of this sad feeling will go away while I'm sleeping. Good thing. When I'm up and about I'll do the last baking and enjoy the most awesome weather we're having. I really hope it stays until new years eve. Gonna listen to some x-mas songs and send happy feelings in my head too. But right now I really should sleep. I hope I get happier dreams than last nights.