Sir Lipton Teabag of Coffeepot a la creme.

This cute little fella turned 17 today.

Our cute little Sir Lipton.

He got his own piece of cake to celebrate. But I don't think he liked it very much. It wasn't his "normal" cake. He seems to prefer the princess cake, with lots of cream in it. He's a sugar rat. Just like me. We didn't bother with buying him a flower tho. He'd only chew it to bits anyway. :-P

Tgif ftw !

I love Fridays. I think it comes from when I was in school. The joy of having 2 whole days free from that hell hole. It was always a joy. Not to mention summer breaks and all the small holidays.

But...

Today I did something I told my self not to do again. I just couldn't help it. I yelled and "argued" with my granny. I am so tired of her bullshit, I have been for a while. I'd love to have her committed to a mental hospital so they could straighten her out. Since nothing we say has any affect on her. She's still slowly killing herself, since 8 or 9 years ago now. But I give up now. I'm not gonna listen to another word now.

It also feels slightly hypocritical to argue with her about this. Knowing that I my self have had doubts about living and such. And I'm not fully free from those thoughts yet. But at least I know I have a problem and I know that how I see things and how they really are isn't a match. It's better than in my mind. I'm overly negative and have no confidence or self esteem. But I know about it. So I can work on it. 

I guess that's the difference between me and her. I've gone one step closer to being happy again. But she still tells her self that everything is over. I just wish she wouldn't say such mean things like she has. Saying that there's nothing at all to live for. When she has 3 kids, 6 gran kids and 1 gran gran kid. She could have kept that comment for her self if she feels that life is that bad. 

You do NOT tell your kids that they aren't worth living for. 

Making happy.

I'm waiting for the weekend, but I'm not sure why. Right now I'm not a happy camper. Again. Summer is over. I'm cold and freezing. I'm too far away from all of my friends. And I'm not even close to getting a job and moving back to the "city of friends". I'm not putting in much of an effort either.

I think, in one way I want to feel better too fast. So I tell my self there are all these things I have to do. But then I'm not able to do them cuz I'm feeling bad and that makes me feel dumb for not getting anywhere. When really I should just relax and wait a while until I'm feeling better. It's hard.

And I should probably start going to therapy of some sort. I want to say "I will go...", but I'm not quite there yet. But I do agree that it could probably do me good. Until then I'm going to try a bit harder with this "positive thinking" thing and less worrying.

The worrying thing is easier said than done tho.

It's been a while.

Haven't written here in a while now. Got no excuse, just that life got in the way. Summer is over now. At least here it is. The trees are turning yellow and it's pretty cold outside if the sun isn't there. And to be honest it looks like the sun has gone on vacation.

So what's up. I'm still living at my moms place. I still think my granny should be forcefully admitted to the psychiatric ward. And I still think that I'm no good for anyone. It is hard that things are going so slow. But really, I don't know any other way to do this. On the bright side, I'm now on the list and waiting for a surgery time to get sterilized. I'm happy about it. With the exception of the long waiting. But I'll live.

I'm missing my old town a lot more now. Partly because I really liked it and because I have ( well had at least ) some awesome friends there. But also because there's a certain someone there that I really love spending time with. I'll see him in not too long tho. Gotta go down there again soon to fiddle with my stuff at my ex's place and move it into a storage like the rest of my stuff. *sigh* Living in a box huh.

I'm feeling a bit low tonight. No special reason I think. It's probably just everything and nothing again. And also I can seem to get rid of this annoying cold that I've had for a while now. Guess I'll go turn on a movie and escape into that for the rest of the night.

Pics.

Enjoying the summer, even tho it's rainy.

Not in the mood for blogging just yet but here's some pics.