Dum Dadi Do.

I think, I'm high on sugar. Or possibly just life. It's not entirely unlikely at all. I am going to crash soooo hard tonight non the less. But I couldn't care a single bit cuz feelings like these are rare and few. And I like it very much so I am going to enjoy it until it's over. No regrets.

It's Friday. Woohoo ! Not that I have anything to celebrate by that. But I like it anyway. Who doesn't like a Friday. Today is another one of those days tho where I really don't have anything special to blog about. So I'm just putting in a few random words and gibberish for fun.

Happy weekend one and all. : )

Birdie business.

This week really didn't start well did it. But never mind that.

I took a pretty pic a few days ago. So today I thought I'd show it and spend a moment for one of our feathered friends. This is Molly, she's one of the pretty birds that my stepfather owns. She is a Blue Fronted Amazon, a quite fat one too because her "cellmate" apparently is a "feeder". As with most of the birds, she is very cute. But the only one she really likes and tolerates is my stepfather, and sometimes my mom.

They're pretty amazing birds and I can totally see why it's fun and interesting to have one. With the exception for all the naughty stuff they put up, they also have a lot of fun things going. Molly doesn't talk much, she does a lot of other cute sounds instead. But some of the other birds do. Hi, goodnight and cookie are often heard here. Most of them are very clever even if they do behave like a 3 year old on a tamper tantrum.

But people should remember that they are very long lived and can be anything from 40 to 80 years old. I think Molly her self can become around 60 years old or so. Most of the big birds my stepfather has are about 1/3 of that age and have come here from other homes that for some reason couldn't or wouldn't handle them anymore. But I'm sure they're happy living here in our little nuthouse. They really look peachy & perky. : )

Just wrong.

I've been sitting on my ass today. Watching anime for hours. I like it, but can only do it for so long. This long. Now I'm getting bored and realize I've done nothing good what so ever today. I feel bad about pretty much anything and everything. Feels like I'm not getting anywhere and hey, couldn't be more true today. I'm a lazy sob.

It really is a bitch. Trying to get anywhere, or to get anything done when you're low like this. I don't understand how this can be. How I can have things that I would want to do and / or get done, but no motivation what so ever to do it. Everything feels lost from the start and I haven't even bothered to try anything. It's just wrong.

Is this what it feels like to have given up your hope ? *sigh*

To like or not.

How much should you care about what others think about your looks ? People you don't know is a no brainer for sure. If they don't know me, they don't have a say about me either. But what about friends, family and coworkers ?

If a good friend or someone in your family says that they don't like your clothes or that they think your hairstyle isn't pretty, how much should you care ? This is a hard topic for me. I won't change because someone doesn't like something about me. But I will feel sad about it, because I want to be liked.

Oh well. I guess people can still like me even if they don't like my choice of pants, hair color or what ever. I think about it much atm because I'm trying to decide what to do about my hair. Let it grow as it is, or maybe cut it in a short hairstyle.

Letting it grow as is would mean longer hair sooner. But a new style would make me feel better about my looks.

Still can't decide.

The good, the bad, the low.

I wonder what on earth I can do to feel better. To get better self esteem. To feel like I'm actually worth the things I want and the stuff I get. If anything bad happens it's all "I probably had it coming, I must be worth this shit". It's probably not a good thought to think.

I wish I had something solid, to show or teach me how to feel like I have a worth. The things I want, I don't feel that I deserve them. You can tell me to my face that I'm just as good as anyone else. But it will only make me cry inside. Because I don't believe the words.

I can't.

Random nonsense.

So many pictures this week, I think we can manage one day without.

Today is one of those days where I feel like blogging but don't really have anything special to blog about. I could go on about everything I feel is wrong or not going in the right direction. Or complain about something I know how to fix and therefore have no right to complain about anyway. So I'll just write some random nonsense for a few rows. Oh wait, I already have. Peachy.

At least it's weekend. That means more company. Or well, a little more at least. And tomorrow I'm of to a flea market. Haven't been to one in ages. Not expecting to buy anything. But it's fun to just look.

Oh well... ta ta.

Spring is here...

And yes, it seems like I'm in a "photo" spree for the moment.

Today I went out in our lovely spring weather and tested my new camera. Or well, it's not really that new. I've had it a few months but just never got around to start using it. It's just too handy to have a camera in your phone. You always have your phone with you, almost at least.

Anyways, here's a little piece of spring time wonders.

Yummies.

Expensive candy is expensive, but damn tasty too.

My granny bought these for me a while back. Cherry shaped Marzipan. Soft in the middle and crunchy hard on the outside. Far too easy to eat fast. It's a good thing they're not cheep, otherwise I could all too easily buy my self a bag and go nuts. And my tummy would hate ma later.

Yum yum.

So today I made cookies.

And they are awesome.

I haven't done much besides that. I slept long again. Been having issues with sleeping again. I hope it gets better soon. It's so annoying when you have to lie awake hours before you fall asleep. That is if you get to sleep at all. But anyway. I decided today was a cookie day so I made cookies.

And... here comes the pics.

Random Picture Day.

It's been an interesting day. Went shopping. Came home and saw the wonderful chaos in the yard. Locked my self and my mom out of the house. It's windy like hell and freakishly cold. The spring signs are starting to show tho. And in my bedroom the flowers are starting to take over the window. Oh yeah, and there you have my new bed. I still love it. So there you go. Enough chatting.

Here comes the pics.

Yum yum.

Sometimes I really really hate my imagination. But sometimes, I really really reaaally love it. All you need is a tiny thought. A word, place or person. And it's all done and running wild. Now in this case, I've got all three. It's a person, in a special place, and my head filled in the last word and voilà. Awesome imagination is awesome and I'm set for the night.

Now really, I wanted to make a more serious and calm post. Since my last one was made with me in such a horrible mood. But that's just not gonna happen. First of all, I've got nothing good in store to blog about. And second of all, I'm way too peachy in my mind right now. And I'm gonna enjoy it to the fullest. *Yawn* I think it's bedtime soon.

Sweet dreams...Yum yum

Leave me alone I'm lonely.

I understand that most ppl have that "thing" called "a life". It's perfectly ok and I wouldn't want them not to have it. I also understand that when you have a partner ( bf or gf or what ever ) you want to spend as much time as you possibly can with them.

What I don't understand is why that means that you can't even have the tiniest contact with your former friends. It really doesn't take that many minutes to send a short text to say hi and ask how life is going. But apparently I'm very wrong in that sense.

And I am oh so very tired now of ppl just going awol like this. I am a very social creature, even tho I'm all too unsure just how to act in social groups. I need my friends to stay sane and to at least try to have some sort of life going on around me.

And yes I know I'm bad at taking contact with ppl. But they all knew that and if it's a problem then TELL ME ffs. And I'll try to change. But really, right now I can't handle it. I am feeling so FUCKING lonely. Go play with your awesome lives and fuck of.

Let me be.

Peachier.

Feeling a bit peachier today. I'm very pleased with my room and new bed, it really feels like a bedroom now. I had some troubles sleeping last nigh, but that was because of my allergies. The bed was awesome. And outside it's getting more and more green by the day. I'm very happy that we're finally moving into springtime.

Can you notice that I'm trying to stay positive ? I'm still quite worried tho, about my life and the lack of direction for it. I keep trying to reminding my self that at least I'm lucky to have the kind of support that I have. Meaning I really don't have to worry or stress this much. I know I'll find my direction eventually. Fingers crossed.

For the short term thinking tho, it's time to start planning about seeds and plants. I know I'm nuts. I just like nature and plants. Hum. Maybe there's a job in there somewhere ?

Spring cleaning...

Both in my room and in the blog. Or something like it. Decided to bring back some squares I removed a while ago and change the header a little. Nothing big, nothing fancy, no one cares. So...

What else is on ? Not much really. Still thinking about my adventure in the twilight zone and the future. My one track minded head and a bunch of other random and not so random thoughts. And finally... I've got a real bed.

We've been looking online to see if anyone was selling an older one cheep. But no luck, today both me and my mom got tired of waiting and looking and went to the store and bought a new one.

So for the last 3 hours we've been moving a bunch of books, pillows, 2 couches and 1 bed. I had to use one of those masks again cuz the dust and I don't get along very well. But it's all good.

Now Le Dungeon looks like a real room and not a storage facility.

Peach at work.

Right... so I'm home, again. And life is still as it is when I left it. Other ppl must think I'm so god damn slow honestly. Takes ages before I get any sort of change going. But there is a lot of thinking going on still up in that dream filled head of mine.

I guess, being in a rush to get anywhere isn't really a good idea anyway. Ofc I want a job, but my mental health is still not fully functional. And maybe it's a good idea to keep on with the exercises and hobbies for a little while longer. Feel a bit better.

I'm keeping my eyes on the educations still, and the unemployment agency ofc. But I refuse to rush it anymore. Tho ppl might disagree and say that I never tried rushing at all. But what do they know. Have they tried living in my brain ? Nop.

So fack it. I think I'll go watch a movie now.

Sigh...

So, I'm slowly falling back down to reality again. It's been one hell of a trip I'd say. Who needs drugs when you've got sugar.

I've been contemplating life and the meaning of it a few days now. I think I'm sorta pleased with being me and by my self for the moment. I could... can.. do anything I want now. Travel, do stupid things, do awesome things. Change my mind and change it again cuz it doesn't have to be permanent. The problem is just finding out what I want to do right now. I worry that I'm taking up too much time figuring things out, and not getting anywhere. And also I'm well aware that I'm keeping someone waiting. Can't help feeling like a big bitch for that.

But beside all that I'm actually feeling pretty ok for the moment. I hope the happiness stays a while. I've been feeling better lately than what I've felt for a long time now.

Message from the bottle.

I'm sorta busy a few days now, so I can't blog much. I'm visiting the twilight zone. Where strange things happen and you never know what will come up and bite you next. I like it. But it's also slightly unreal. I'm not complaining tho. Speak of the devil and he's in your doorway btw. Yum yum. We'll see how hard it will hit me when I get back home, I hope not too much. But anyways I'll be back in reality in a few days, no worries. 

Cya then. ^^