I made it.

Now I'm ready for Christmas. 

This year I made them a bit smaller and crispier.

But... I do have one batch left of the plum filling. So I might do one more round of the stars if me run out of them. It can happen. Tasty things have a habit of simply going up in smoke in this house. If I do make more, then I'll make them a bit thicker and larger. Just to see what's more tasty. But either way, these ones are yummy.

I love baking. :)

It's been a while.

I should be sleeping right now. I was reading, and I'm on my way to bed. Just felt like stopping by here first. I've got some "late night loneliness" hanging over my shoulders at the moment. It's x-mas now. ( Yes in my mind it is. Deal with it. ) I'm missing some people and moments I wish I still had. In a way. At least most of the preparations for the holiday is done. Just some last min baking and decorations to put up. 

I feel troubled. It has nothing to do with x-mas tho, but I have no idea who to talk to about it. I can only talk it over with my self. And the best solution I can come up with is to ignore, forget and move on. That's really not easy. As usual I'm not making it easy for my self. Guess I'm still in the mindset that I deserve misery and hard times. Hard to move beyond that. But I'm making a brilliant effort I must say. I think I do anyway.

Tomorrow I'm going to be happier again. The bigger part of this sad feeling will go away while I'm sleeping. Good thing. When I'm up and about I'll do the last baking and enjoy the most awesome weather we're having. I really hope it stays until new years eve. Gonna listen to some x-mas songs and send happy feelings in my head too. But right now I really should sleep. I hope I get happier dreams than last nights.

Some randomness.

I was going to write something stupid about the fact that I'm home again. Or that I hauled my heavy PC with the screen and everything on the train all the way here. And even before that I've been planning on showing a before and after photo of a patch out in the garden.

But I don't feel like doing any of it today. So instead I'm going to be silly and mourn my dear Skullcandy headphones that broke today. I've seen it coming a while now so I tried to be gentle with it. But shit happens and today that's that. Guess I gotta get a new pair now.

From the mountain o' boxes.

So yes. Still not home. Still away enjoying my visit and my friends most awesome company. I had some work here to do and yes it's been done. My furniture and the rest of the stuff I left in the apartment has now been moved into a storage room for the time being. Not a pretty or fun sight but had to be done. Can hardly wait until the time comes when I can move it into my own place. When ever and where ever that will be.

I've been thinking about the moving a lot lately, again. And I'm wondering if I've made the right decision to move back down here. I think I have, but I know I'm going to miss my mom when I move. She likes having me at home again and I can't blame her. But honestly, I can't live there forever. And I really like this city. But can I make it here alone with just a small handful of friends ? I hope and think so. Having no friends is harder than just having a few.

*Sigh* Oh well. Gotta go now. I still have some work left to do with those stupid boxes. I was supposed to take a quiet easy moment for my self here now and play a little. But it seems the server had to go down for maintenance or something. Bummer. So I guess it's just me and the boxes then. Too bad I don't have anyone to keep me company while I'm in there digging. Would have made it a whole lot better and endurable.

Physalis.

Will there be a fruit inside ?

I have no idea, I sort of doubt it actually.

Another thing I'll just have to wait and see.

Looking forward to it.

Adorable Pink Lady.

She's supposed to be hard to get to survive over the winter.

But I hope not, she's so adorable.

And I think she likes her new home.

The visitors.

I've got visitors for the winter. Two flowers belonging to my mom has moved in with me in Le Dungeon. They've also been standing in the greenhouse during the summer, but in a bad place of it. So they haven't been given as much attention as they would like to. Poor little pretties.

So now when it was time to move them inside, I asked if I should move them into my room. Thinking that hopefully they'll get more care and water there. She agreed. My mom is kinda forgetful about watering flowers normally. I moved them today and also gave them a haircut.

I might have to cut them down even more during the winter. That depends on how well they do in there. I can be forgetful too about watering my plants. But that usually happens when I'm feeling very bad and can't handle the depression very well. I think I've got that under control now.

Now if only I can get my bedtime hours working better I'll enjoy waking up a lot more. It would be nice to be able to just stay in bed a few min and admire the view when I wake up. But because I sleep so badly right now, I wake up too late and have to get up as soon as I'm awake. Bummer.

My winter babe.

So, I have a lot of flowers currently living with a good friend of mine. This is one of them. I don't remember when I bought it but it's at least 1,5 years ago now. It's a sort of blooming cactus. When you buy them here in the shop they're called either spring, winter, summer or autumn cactus. So far I don't know the difference between them except that the flowers all look a bit different. I think.

Anyways. It was early spring and still cold outside when I bought mine. It was blooming in the shop. But they're a bit sensitive and the walk home in the cold chocked it and all the flowers fell of. After that it got a bit abused because of me being depressed so it didn't bloom again. That is until it moved in with my most awesome friend.

In his care it decided to send out flowers again. I visited when it had buds big enough to burst, but sadly wasn't there for the blooming. But he was very kind and sent me these pictures so I could at least see how it looked. I think they're gorgeous, ofc. I do hope I can get it to bloom like this again when I have it back in my care. I guess we'll just have to wait and see. Gah I wish I could move right now.

A good morning.

I found this pretty lady when I woke up today. Translated from Swedish it's an English Geranium. But I'm pretty sure they have a different name in English really. I just can't remember it right now, I'll check it up later. But I will forget it again. Anyways, it's a very pretty flower none the less.

The other day I was on my way to cut of some babies from her to make new flowers. I wanna give one to my mom because her flower died earlier this summer because of some icky white vermin that decided to visit. But, when I went down to cut of the pieces. I noticed she's got flower buds all over her self. And I just can't cut those of. So I guess I'll have to wait a while. :-)

Happy plants happy me.

It seems my plants are enjoying their new home and artificial sunlight. I'm gonna keep my eye on them closely for a while longer anyway. In case need to adjust the height of the lamp or anything. But so far so good.

Most of the flowers standing under it have been outside during the summer. Standing in the small greenhouse in the garden. I haven't payed them enough attention out there sadly. But it looks like they've been doing fine. But it's a lot more fun to have them back in my room. Every morning when I wake up the first thing I notice and check is my flowers.

It gives me energy and happy feelings when I take care of my flowers and watch them grow and be happy. I love it.

Sir Lipton Teabag of Coffeepot a la creme.

This cute little fella turned 17 today.

Our cute little Sir Lipton.

He got his own piece of cake to celebrate. But I don't think he liked it very much. It wasn't his "normal" cake. He seems to prefer the princess cake, with lots of cream in it. He's a sugar rat. Just like me. We didn't bother with buying him a flower tho. He'd only chew it to bits anyway. :-P

Tgif ftw !

I love Fridays. I think it comes from when I was in school. The joy of having 2 whole days free from that hell hole. It was always a joy. Not to mention summer breaks and all the small holidays.

But...

Today I did something I told my self not to do again. I just couldn't help it. I yelled and "argued" with my granny. I am so tired of her bullshit, I have been for a while. I'd love to have her committed to a mental hospital so they could straighten her out. Since nothing we say has any affect on her. She's still slowly killing herself, since 8 or 9 years ago now. But I give up now. I'm not gonna listen to another word now.

It also feels slightly hypocritical to argue with her about this. Knowing that I my self have had doubts about living and such. And I'm not fully free from those thoughts yet. But at least I know I have a problem and I know that how I see things and how they really are isn't a match. It's better than in my mind. I'm overly negative and have no confidence or self esteem. But I know about it. So I can work on it. 

I guess that's the difference between me and her. I've gone one step closer to being happy again. But she still tells her self that everything is over. I just wish she wouldn't say such mean things like she has. Saying that there's nothing at all to live for. When she has 3 kids, 6 gran kids and 1 gran gran kid. She could have kept that comment for her self if she feels that life is that bad. 

You do NOT tell your kids that they aren't worth living for. 

Making happy.

I'm waiting for the weekend, but I'm not sure why. Right now I'm not a happy camper. Again. Summer is over. I'm cold and freezing. I'm too far away from all of my friends. And I'm not even close to getting a job and moving back to the "city of friends". I'm not putting in much of an effort either.

I think, in one way I want to feel better too fast. So I tell my self there are all these things I have to do. But then I'm not able to do them cuz I'm feeling bad and that makes me feel dumb for not getting anywhere. When really I should just relax and wait a while until I'm feeling better. It's hard.

And I should probably start going to therapy of some sort. I want to say "I will go...", but I'm not quite there yet. But I do agree that it could probably do me good. Until then I'm going to try a bit harder with this "positive thinking" thing and less worrying.

The worrying thing is easier said than done tho.

It's been a while.

Haven't written here in a while now. Got no excuse, just that life got in the way. Summer is over now. At least here it is. The trees are turning yellow and it's pretty cold outside if the sun isn't there. And to be honest it looks like the sun has gone on vacation.

So what's up. I'm still living at my moms place. I still think my granny should be forcefully admitted to the psychiatric ward. And I still think that I'm no good for anyone. It is hard that things are going so slow. But really, I don't know any other way to do this. On the bright side, I'm now on the list and waiting for a surgery time to get sterilized. I'm happy about it. With the exception of the long waiting. But I'll live.

I'm missing my old town a lot more now. Partly because I really liked it and because I have ( well had at least ) some awesome friends there. But also because there's a certain someone there that I really love spending time with. I'll see him in not too long tho. Gotta go down there again soon to fiddle with my stuff at my ex's place and move it into a storage like the rest of my stuff. *sigh* Living in a box huh.

I'm feeling a bit low tonight. No special reason I think. It's probably just everything and nothing again. And also I can seem to get rid of this annoying cold that I've had for a while now. Guess I'll go turn on a movie and escape into that for the rest of the night.

Pics.

Enjoying the summer, even tho it's rainy.

Not in the mood for blogging just yet but here's some pics.

Random picture day ; Gahargh !

I feel like I've been hit by a caravan of big ass trucks.

So let's keep this short shall we.

Here are some random pics from my last visit and my B-day.

I spent it with Dave and David, got presents, got stuffed from eating yummy cake, and had a very very nice day.

Random picture day ; Flower walk.

There and back again. Yes I'm "home". Came here yesterday. I can't say I'm overly thrilled by it. But it's not bad either. I feel welcome, all my plants have survived and my stuff is here so it's good. I'm gonna show some pics from my visit but first, some flowers.