Not so random bubble.

It's very easy to mistake comfort and friendship for love.

I'm sad to say in that sense I've made a very big mistake. And poor Mr Awesome is the one who's been hurt by it. He's perfectly right to tell me to get lost and never talk to him again. But so far he hasn't, he's a perfect friend and I'm sure he'd be an even better bf. Poor guy, we'll see what happens. Truth is tho, I'll wait for him. I have no interest what so ever in finding another bf than him. But I might have been too stupid too long.

Coming back to the list again, when I get back to my city I have a few things to take care of. For instance, I need to sort through and trow away a whole bunch of stuff. I'm only going to keep what I really need. I'm gonna study that language more. I need to learn more vocabs and such. And if I have time and money, I want to start getting that licence for a motorbike. I know it's gonna be hard, but I have to do this.

Maybe the unemployment agency can help with the language, hell, maybe they could even help with a job there. Who knows. Gotta keep the spirit up.

Capu chuu.

Contemplating issues.

It's very hard to try to change a bad habit if every time you try, you get reminded by someone of what you're doing. For me at least, it makes me feel self conscious and slightly annoyed. These past 2 weeks tho I've noticed a change.

Both in mind and habit. It's hard to put my finger on exactly what the thought is but I'm guessing it's something good because I've started to hum and semi-sing even tho there are ppl around me. Something I hardly ever do otherwise. I feel a tiny bit more grownup now. It's about time too.

That list I was supposed to make is still being written, in my mind. Every now and then I start to worry about something on "the list" and then I have to stop my self. Saying things like "can you do anything about this right now ? No. Then ignore it.". It does help, most of the time.

My biggest worry right now, is if Mr Awesome will wait for me or grow tired of me. I do hope he'll wait. I have some things to take care of before we can even start anything serious. But I'd like to try if he still likes me. I'm not gonna let a small thing like language and location be a problem.

This will be interesting idd.

Merry X-mas.

And a Happy New Year too ofc.

Let's hope the next year goes better than this one did.

Capu chuu.

Late night worries.

Yesterday I started worrying about my life and where it's going again.

I really should try to figure out what to do with it. I feel too old not to have my life in order. And I'm not really old. Don't get me wrong. I'm not paranoid about my age or anything like that. I just like things to be in order, and they just aren't atm. They haven't been for way too long.

Feels like the days here with my family are going way too fast. I'm worrying about how life will feel when I go back to my city. What's gonna happen and will everything be ok ? Every now and then I wonder if maybe I should move back to this city. I really miss my family.

I guess we'll see what happens. I'm gonna make a list of the good and bad sides of living there, and a list of things I want to do. And last but not least start the fight with the socialservices again. This time they have to help me. But first, I'm going to have a merry x-mas. Or atleast try.

X-mas jitters.

Yep, the title exactly. But not really about x-mas.

I'm feeling both happy and lonely at the same time. On one side I'm sorta happy and feeling peachy about all the things I can do now when I'm single. But on the other hand I'm longing for that kind of love that just melts your heart and takes your breath away. I guess that's why I love anime so much. They picture it so good there.

There is a guy who would be great for me. He's totally awesome. Interesting, fun, kind, playfull and mature. He's got a great family and as far as I can see right now, the only even remotely bad thing would be that he doesn't speak swedish and he doesn't live in sweden. But that's really a tiny tiny minor issue. Did I mention he's awesome ?

I miss him so much.
*Sigh*